On the fourth day of Kristen, my postman said to me...

Yesterday my little brother and I stood in line at the post office to mail a package. I dropped my head on the counter and drug it along as the line moved. The post man says from across the room, "No sleeping in line!" with a flirtatious smile.
Today I went back to the post office with another package. I happened to end up at the sleep-officer's counter again. This pretty much sums up our conversation:

Postman: Who's that? (pointing to the picture I taped to the outside of the box).
Kristen: I don't know.
You don't know him?
I found him the newspaper. He has a mullet.
I can see that. So who is this package going to?
My brother.
Does he like mullets?
Of course. Nothing says 'I love you' like a mullet.
Oh. I should grow my hair out, then.
...
Kristen: I didn't fall asleep in line today.
Oh, so that WAS you yesterday. Was that your boyfriend you were with?
No. That was my little brother. Don't make me throw up.
Sorry. You look the same age. So...how old are you?
How old do you think I am?
20.
I'm almost 22.
You're young.
Yes.
....
Postman: Most people in line just glare at me.
Kristen: Because they're pissed at you. You're the man.
Thank you.
(I wanted to tell him I meant it in a School-of-Rock-Stick-It-to-the-Man kind of way, but that would've shattered his confidence).
Postman: What are you going to do after this? Go home? Take a nap?
Kristen: Um.....we'll see....

Derek wants to go back and see him tomorrow. I bet we can find something else to mail, it might be worth it for another weird conversation.
ALSO- I'll give cookies to anyone else who can get their postman to ask, "So what are you doing after this?" That's got to be a record of some kind.

Could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk?

For most of the world, December is a glass of holiday cheer. For college students, December is a glass of anxiety garnished with a dollop of hell; so hot you might have a meltdown.

Yes, finals week. Every year seems to outdo the last. For me, this year's finals consisted of zero exams, but nearly zero sleep.

Sunday night I stayed up finishing my portfolio. Tuesday night I stayed up designing a pirate magazine. Wednesday night I stayed up writing my 8-page paper. Friday night I stayed up packing and cleaning.

In the week I also managed to do my final creative writing project, give a speech for lit & film, meet with Prof. Kelly about my portfolio and get assignments for over the break, edit my clown commercial, get my car window fixed and longboard to the shop to pick it up, meet with animators lots about our glitter commercial, enter the Addy Awards, bake cookies, deliver them to friends, and work 19:59 hours.

Ahh yeah, three all-nighters in four days, baby. I can't remember a time I've felt so miserable.
But there's good news! I got accepted to the Comms New York Spring Internship Program (should I choose to accept it) and I will soon be stranded in the most boring town on earth for twelve days of good sleep.


Here's a couple of my projects. A magazine I wrote and designed:

Click here to see the whole thing.

And this little guy:

Glitter from Kristen Scharf on Vimeo.

A Family Holiday Film Fest

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Who doesn't love
Sugar cookies
Hot chocolate
Freezing weather (especially with a broken car window)
Mittens and scarves
Final exams (or in my case, final papers and ad campaigns)
Grocery store bell ringers in santa hats
Eggnog
Gingerbread houses
Christmas music that is finally appropriate
Aaaaand Christmas movies!?

This Christmas my parents will be experiencing Twelve Days of Kristen.
Which also means I'll be forcing them to watch one of my favorite Christmas movies every day. Here is this year's lineup:

1. The Santa Clause
2. Elf
3. Christmas Vacation
4. The Grinch (Jim Carey version)
5. A Christmas Story
6. Home Alone
7. It's a Wonderful Life
8. Christmas with the Kranks
8. Just Friends
9. Rudolph
10. The Holiday
11. Prancer
12. Jack Frost (yes, the hockey kid who's dad comes back to life as a snowman)


And as extra curricular, maybe we'll watch some new Christmas movies, like:
Scrooged, starring Bill Murray
Joyeux Noël
Trading Places
Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure (how could this NOT be good?)
Silent Night, Deadly Night (a controversial slasher film about a murderous Santa Claus)
What Would Jesus Buy? (a documentary about the commercialization of Christmas)
Deck the Halls, starring Danny DeVito
And last but not least, how could I have missed this gem?

It's sure to be a very merry Christmas indeed.

I Might Go to Portugal!

Last week a little bird in the AdLab told me that Leo Burnett Lisbon was offering a 3 day internship as a Creative Director. They gave you the YDA Drama Queen commercial, and asked you pitch it the way you would if you were a CD.
I should have been able to come up with some REALLY creative stuff in a week, something to really blow the boys at Leo out of the water, right?
Well, another week of my crazy life went by, right up till the final hour of the deadline. I wasn't going to apply, the chances were so slim. And heck, how would I pay to get myself to Portugal in just two weeks? But I thought, you won't have any chance at all if you don't try.
I had all these great ideas in my mind of how to pitch this thing, but in the end I just pitched it the way I would pitch anything in class or in the AdLab: face to face talking. I locked myself in the Brimhall conference room after everyone else had gone home for the night, and very abruptly got over my fear of seeing myself on film.
Then i did a couple quick iMovie edits, created a vimeo account, and uploaded my submission; honestly thinking nobody else would ever see it. It was after all, way past the deadline in Lisbon time. Since last night my video has had 115 views. It's no Justin Bieber video, but for me that's a lot!
Today they posted the shortlist, and I checked it out just to see what the top picks had done for their videos. I scrolled down the list (they all looked awesome) and then . . . what's that . . . at the very bottom of the list?? It's Kristen!!!
I about peed.
CRAAAAZY! I made the top 10! And I am the only American! Whooo would have thought in a million years?
Monday they announce the winner, wish me luck!

Check out the Trainee Creative Director Shortlist: click here.
http://traineecreativedirector.com/shortlist.html

Ad Homework is Cool.

Here's the final product of my stop motion homework assignment. It's short, and the audio cuts are crappy, but it'll do, Donkey. It'll do.

A Play-by-Play of Kristen's Life.

(Disclaimer: I don't expect anyone with high blood pressure or in their right mind to read all this.)

October 30th - November 5th 2011
I dare another week of my life to be as filled as this one. Fun as it was, I hope it's a long time before one beats it.

Sunday-
Co-babysitting 5 kids in Fort Collins with my mom, and help from Thomas and Caley.
Got lost on the way to the airport, dumped the kids off at their cousins house, then ran through the airport.
Missed my flight, but got to stay another night in Colorado and meet baby Bentley.


Monday-
Happy Halloween at 4am
My mom volunteered to drive me to the airport, bless her.
If you've never flown in Halloween, I recommend it. It's not every day the flight staff dresses like pirates.
Chloe picked me up, bless her, and took me to her house for breakfast.
I wrote the paper I should have written all weekend, sprinted to class, realized I was an hour early. In class we started watching the dramatic television series Downton Abbey. It's a good one. I also recommend going easy on the halloween candy. This year I OD'd long before 5pm.
Witnessed battle of the sexy sax men on campus.
Threw a halloween costume together and went to a dance party in a hangar at Provo airport
Then I may or may not have written my own letter of recommendation and send it off to be signed


Tuesday-
8am class- assigned to create a stop motion video by Friday morning at 10am. (Probably going to need 800+ still photographs)
Watched President Monson's devotional on the Adlab big screen.
I worked at BYUB all afternoon, getting December issues of the program guide finalized and ready for the press
Recruited like crazy to get girls to come to our commercial shoot on Saturday.
I volunteered to take care of the into footage for the GiveEmThis commercial I'm working on in the adlab. So I went to toy stores around town and asked them if I could film their table top train sets (Toys R Us? . . . More like Corporate Sellouts R Us, but who didn't see that coming?)
Then I spent the night writing a really awesome 5 page story filled with romance, intrigue, and betrayal.

Wednesday-
9am class- got briefed from students in the Planning class on our new assignment from Ogilvy-Huggies. Creative mockups due Monday.
One of our AdLab clients decides he's flying in early Friday morning, expecting to hear new pitches from our teams. And he wants to see mockups- using only his photographs- which we didn't receive till Thursday. Yeah, this client is a winner....
Rush to finish all my writing assignments before my evening class. Almost made it. Gave a killer class presentation though.
Went to BYU's Best Dance crew. One friend's crew lost, the other friend's crew won. All in all it was entertaining.
Decided to enter the Young Guns award show, the night before submissions are due- Classic, Kristen. Classic.
Leave campus at 11 and spent the rest of the night working on this little guy.
Had trouble submitting online, so poor Scott answered my 5am phone call to help me out. But all he really said was, "Kristen, go to bed." So at 5:30 am, I crawled into my sliver bottom bunk and passed out. Here's one of the ads I finished that night:



Thursday-
Biggest blessing of the week-8am class cancelled
Went to a meeting at 9:30 am to finalize plans for our Saturday commercial shoot.
College of FAC meeting-(Good thing they gave out snacks otherwise I wouldn't have eaten at all on Thursday)
We watched Jeff introduce himself as new President of the new Laycock Center. I gave him a hug after his speech and told him I was proud. Little Jeffy's growing up. Then he gave us a tour of the new crib- gonna be sweet.
Went to work at BYUB, had a marketing meeting and saw some rough cuts of an upcoming BYUtv series- also gonna be sweet.
Ran home (literally), and drove to Orem to pick up my letter of rec. Turned out they moved offices, so had to go find it at the new place through all their boxes of junk.
Back to the adlab, picked up a camera from Chris to film the intro.
Went to DI, bought some props, went to the toy store and got some sweeeet shaky footage of a mini toy world. People in the store thought I was a weirdo taking pictures of toy trains. whatever.
Drove to walmart to buy props for my stop motion video due Friday morning. LOVE those %50 off halloween stuff sales!
Back to the adlab, gave footage to Chris for editing and got to see the first bits of footage from the commercial I wrote. I LOVED IT. Stephen Jones did such a good job acting. We still a ton of editing and motion graphics to do, but seeing the first cuts made me sooooo excited.
Then I retouched my Young Guns campaign and submitted it- I'll spare the details of what a huge pain it was.
That night we had a meeting for our presentation to another Adlab client at 9am
Then I reformatted my resume and threw some stuff on to my cargo collective so I could apply to the NY Internship by Friday at 4pm.
Bed by 4 or 5 am, don't really remember.

Friday-
Slept through the 9am client presentation. OOOPSIE. good thing there were a lot of groups presenting and the rest of my group was there.
I went to work and sent final copies of BYUB's program guides to the press.
Went to the Adlab, wrote a cover letter, and turned in the last of my paperwork for the New York Internship.
Went to our film location and spent a couple hours setting up for the commercial shoot.
Then I went to Stogies and bought my first back of cigarettes- Herbal Ecstacy! It's for a good cause, you'll see.
Emailed all the extras to remind them to be at our film set at 7:45am.
Then I got into costume and began working on my first stop motion video. Here's a money shot from the project:



Saturday-
7am-1:30 at White Willow for our commercial shoot. We got 30 actresses through hair and makeup while the film crew set up. I'm so happy people came! And especially Beckie, who was able to come last minute and help the stylists with hair and makeup.
Our director Andy was awesome, even though we fell behind schedule he got everything done in a super short time frame.
The animators were also there for the filming, we're relying on them to do some pretty sweet stuff with the footage we got! We rented a $25,000 RED camera for this thing. (The same camera they are filming The Hobbit on). One of the film crew guys, Arrius, showed me one of the shots, and I literally could have cried it was so beautiful. (Is that embarrassing?)
Finished filming around 12:30, got everyone who was there well fed, and then we cleaned up for an hour.
Right then, Angela calls and asks if I can help Chris with the GiveEmThis editing.
1:30-9pm I created motion graphics for the commercial with Chris in his office.
Then I came home, put stuff away and washed dishes. I wanted to finish my stop motion, but my body wouldn't have it. I sat on my bed and fell right asleep.



Sunday-
Still have to finish my stop motion video, read a book for Literature and Film class, study for the ONLY midterm I have this year, meet with Lorne and make a creative campaign for Huggies, go to stake conference and let my home teachers come over.


God Bless America.
xxx

It's a dogwich

Who doesn't like a sandwich? It's simple, versatile, and delicious. But what do you do when you're really craving a sandwich, but have no sandwich bread? Well, if you're anything like me, you make a dogwich! AKA you make a sandwich on a hotdog bun. Problem solved.

Pros–
Speed. You can make a dogwich one handed, because you never have to set down. So if you’re right handed, your right hand rifles throught fridge, throwing ingredients into your left hand holding the bun. Way faster than laying the thing out on your counter and assembling it layer by layer.

Wash no dishes. Because you don't need a plate to set your dogwich on, that means you don't have a plate to wash. And when you're ready for condiments, there's no knife needed either! Just squirt a line of mustard n mayo straight down the middle.

Trippy. When you eat it, you feel like you’re at a ball game/ bbq, but it tastes like you’re at a Subway.

Mobility.You can eat a dogwich one handed, so one hand is free to do other stuff. I guess this is true with a real sandwich too, but the dogwich just feels so much more portable.

Aesthetics. A dogwich is much prettier than an hotdog. No weiner. And we've all seen a billion traditional square sandwiches.

Cons–
Adaptability.If you're using sliced cheese, you may have to tear the cheese, or use shredded (which is better on hotdogwich so it will melt).

Miniature portions. Depending on your current opinion of your waistline, this could be a pro or a con. Because a dogwich can only fit so much goodness, you may have to make several in order to be truly satisfied

Memoirs of a Dirty Girl

I wrote this little memoir for my creative writing class. Eh Ahem.....

We walked out of the McDonalds, back into the gray wet air. As we crossed the street, headed toward the train station, I rifled through the plastic bags around my wrist. I reached into the yellow sack and pulled out a colorful plaid scarf. I’d never worn a scarf in public before, not even when I was a little kid, but my scarf virginity was lost at a shop earlier that day.
“It’s so cute, and it matches your shirt,” Morgan had told me.
“You’re only in Scotland once,” said Allison, “You have to get something Scottish.”
Stepping onto the sidewalk, I tried to wrap it around my neck, unsure of how it should look. The material was itchy against my skin and the end of the fabric hung awkwardly off my shoulders. My pace slowed as I tried to check my reflection in the window of the store. Something jerked my attention from the window back to the street.
It took me a moment to comprehend what I was seeing—a man, wearing nothing but a Speedo and shaving cream, running towards me. But there wasn’t just one, there were three. No, four.
Four nearly naked Scottish men doused in foam, headed my way.
At lighting speeds my hand dove into my bag and pulled out a camera, knowing this was a moment I would regret not capturing.
The group passed me one by one. The last one caught my attention. He had a small piece of fabric tied around his goods, a pair of swimming goggles on his forehead, and a smile the size of Great Britain. It looked liked he’d drained an entire can of Gillette shaving cream lathering up his skin. He was beautiful.
I aimed my camera at him, and he slowed to walk, posing for his moment of fame.
“If you want a picture you’ll have to give him a kiss,” his friend hollered.
My heart jumped at the word kiss. Our eyes met as we sized each other up. His undeniable expression of agreement made me fearless. I dropped my things where I was, walked up to him, and stood on my toes until my lips were just inches away from his.....

It was wet. It was soft. It was all over me.

I held out my arms and looked down at the foamy mess soaking into my clothes.
Wet, kissless, and brokenhearted, I shoved the dirty scarf back into the bag, and watched him run away with the culprits who had pushed him into me.

(the end)_

Aaaaaand......just for kicks, I dug up the pictures to prove it.

Flyin' like a G6

NYC Advertising Week. It may sound like a boring business conference. Wrongo! Monday night our man Jeff got us some sweet hookups to adweek's opening concert, where we saw Far East Movement, Natasha Bedingfield, and B.o.B. Holla!


Excuse all the annoying screaming....we, we, we, so excited.


Also our terrible off key singing.



Looky we made it into Advertising Week magazine! I spy with my little eye, Jeff Sheets and lots of ad kids. Obviously I was too short to make the cut. But dude, this stuff just doesn't happen in Utah.

My poor mother

Some kids did drugs in high school. I redesigned magazine covers.


I used get a kick out of cutting up magazine pictures and putting them all over the house. Inside all the kitchen cupboards were pictures of people eating food, with a sign that said something like, "Make a Sandwich!"

We had this painting hanging in our house. When my parents had parties, I would tape a sign on it that said, "Pull my Finger", because naturally I wanted them to have a classy reputation.

And who could forget putting brownie batter on the toilet seat and army men in the ice dispenser. My poor mother....she knows she misses me.

It's a Full Moon Tonight

Three girls in a car, pop music blaring, driving through the Nevada desert, totally unprepared. There I was, enjoying what I thought to be a harmless roadtrip, taking in the desert scenery.

Turns out the road to Sin City is not so innocent.

What do I spy with my little eye, but two white butt cheeks flapping in the wind; and a car of guys filming our reaction- that looked something like this:

And I thought to myself, "Man, this will definitely be the craziest thing that happens to me in Vegas." Boy was I DEAD WRONG.

Unfortunately for you, dear blog readers, R&R Partners slogan "What happens here, stays here" is my new mantra.

Making Things

Dear reader,
Today I will inform you of possibly the greatest new internet social media thang. Pinterest. It could be the best thing that's happened to my creative mind since Stumble. Maybe you're all up to date on this sort of stuff, but it just recently entered my world.

People might tell you, "Yeah, Pinterest is cool, but it wastes so much time."
PInterest, while yes, is addicting and I already spend too much time on it, is not a waste of time. Discovering new things and new ideas is never a waste of time.
Spend a few minutes browsing Pinterest, and you'll feel happier, more inspired, in deeper awe with the world, and hungry for delicious food.

So... NEW GOAL: make something creative every week. Food, art, crafts, photography, whatever. And if I need a little inspiration, Pinterest is my beacon.

Here was my most recent attempt:


Yeah, I'll get there someday.
Oh, and I also made some BALLIN spinach and feta quesadillas.

Haikus

Nothing wrong this time,
The mechanic said himself.
But there it lies, dead.

Quietly I snuck
With a crash my foot was crushed
My roommate woke up

Tiny metal door
That holds messages so dear
When will you fill up?

My little black brick—
Broken screen with specks of dirt
Four years faithfulness

Fire and Ice

Ahhh poetry. So evocative, so enriching and relaxing. The best part about poetry is interpreting it however you want. Even if that means vampires and werewolves.

Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-Robert Frost

While reading this poem for my English class, I came across some interpretations of its meaning. This Steph girl seems to have it all figured out.



So "Fire and Ice" is really about Edward vs. Jacob. And clearly Robert Frost was on Team Jacob because "she" favored fire?

Never mind that Robert Frost wrote this poem in 1920, a good 90 years before Twilight existed, because "anyon who think this poem aint about twilight are stupid."

I submit that Twilight is making the children stupid. Robert Frost may have been right.

Thanks Steph, I was WAY off.
XoX

Wind

I love this print ad. It comes from Saatchi & Saatchi Manila. The rest of the campaign is equally stunning.



The relationship between the Vespa and its owner is a powerful insight. This copy is well crafted to capture that relationship, and the execution is beautifully simple.

I think there is a stereotype of advertising people being commercial sell-outs, liars, and just out to make a corporate profit from consumerism.

I don't love advertising because I want to manipulate the public. I love it because I want to use my creative abilities to reach people. I want to solve problems in ways that have never been done before. Ideas are infinite- which is both terrifying and empowering.

It's ads like these that inspire me and remind me why I want to be a copywriter.

Public Transportation

I live in Utah. When I go someplace, I walk or I drive, or if I'm lucky I get a ride on the back of motorcycle. But we don't have trains. One of my favorite parts of studying abroad last summer was the trains and the people on them.

After an amazing day in Edinburgh, Scotland our group headed back to York. The only table open on the train was already occupied by an older, tired-looking man. Still on our adventure high, we filled the three empty spots and continued our funny conversation without inhibitions. The man was quiet until his curiosity got the best of him. His name was Richard, and right away he became our new best friend. We introduced him to our opposite game. As in, what do you like better— salt or pepper, spiders or flowers, rainbow unicorns or plain unicorns with just a tiny heart on their butt? The more ridiculous the question, the better. Richard was clearly starved for a laugh. The poor man laughed himself to tears.

We asked him things that left him pondering into space. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever eaten? What’s the best thing you’ve ever done in life? We talked about his family, his civil engineering job, travel, foreign languages, schools, everything. He called himself “your typical reserved Englishman,” and he must have felt strange opening up to three American girls, but he embraced it.
He even threw the jokes back at us. I told him I wanted to get a motorcycle. He said, "You?! You know you have to have a lot of concentration for that?"
We convinced him to try fry sauce (mayo mixed with ketchup) on his chips when he got home, which sounded revolting to him. In return we had to return to the States pronouncing words correctly, like "hygEEnic" and "pEEdophile."

I asked him if he could wake up anywhere, anytime, where it would be. He said, “At home.” His job takes him away from home lots and that night he was going home for the first time in three weeks. Of the hours of laughter and nonsense humor we shared with Richard, that answer struck me more than anything.

When our stop came 3+ hours later we stood on the platform, waving to Richard, watching him laugh and shake his head as the train wheeled out. And I realized something. There are people that I will only cross paths with one time. And all too often, I sit by a stranger without even a glance in their direction. Moments of laughter and friendship are everywhere, you just have to open your mouth to find them.

Sink Jacuzzi

I'm convinced I have one of the coolest jobs in the world. It's like 50 jobs in one. I can work breakfast, lunch, dinner, or night custodial. I can work line, dish room, or main dish. And within those categories I have even more options- scrubbing or unloading. Deserts/salads/silverware, runner, or wall of salad. Floors, pulpers, mopping, or hoods! The list goes on and on. I even have different outfits to choose from. I can wear a black chef coat. I can wear a purple polo. I can wear a cool t-shirt from home with a button up white thing over it. There's even sweet rubber boots if your job is in the splash zone. How could somebody ever tire of working at the MTC?

Earlier this year, the Lord's Cafeteria invested in a spiffy new giant dish washer machine. For those of you never exposed to the truly sublime, let me explain. After the thousands of missionaries eat in the cafeteria, they put all their trays filled with shiz and clever mixtures of uneaten food on a magic machine that carries them away into the unknown. As trays come through the conveyer belt, we throw all the trash away, spray all the food off every individual dish, and put it through the special water tunnel that makes dishes clean and burns your hands if you touch it.

Anyway, while the giant machine was being replaced, they built us a little replacement sink to wash all the dishes and trays in. I was rather unimpressed and unexcited to wash every freaking dish by hand. UNTIL - floyd turned it on. The sink is more like a mini jacuzzi. It jets hot water and bubbles so the dishes are constantly doing backflips. And it was in that moment I decided I was going to hot tub in the sink.

Sure I've joked about going swimming in the cooks' giant steam pots and taking a shower in the cart washer machine. I've tried fitting into the washing machine and sliding my body through the dish washer. But this is different. This is real. And let me share with you my train of thought.

Possible Bad Outcomes:
Food chunks come out of the jacuzzi jets.
People laugh at me in a swimsuit.
Nobody laughs.
The water burns me alive.
The breakfast manager finds my swimwear clad body floating dead in the kitchen sink.

Possible Good Outcomes:
The water is great.
Other people join me.
It becomes the pool party of the century.
I can write a book about my journey as an MTC hot tubbing pioneer.
I have a story cooler than the time Alejandra accidentally locked me inside a walk in refrigerator.

And apparently some babes did this at KFC and got fired.


I'll keep thinking it over.

women's conference

Every year near the end of April, our school is graced by the presence of hundreds of middle aged women. This often dreaded event is known as Women's Conference. This year I decided to make a list of why I enjoy Women's Conference and why you should too.

1. Fast Food Faster: The line for Taco Bell is empty. Meanwhile the L&T salads place is calling in reinforcements and trying to set up more of those line maze things.

2. Service Opportunities. When multiple people ask you which building is the Wilk, you can feel really intelligent and helpful.

3. Myth Busting. Before Women's Conference I didn't know people actually wore shape ups. Boy was I wrong. Whether or not they work is another question.

4. Overheard@BYU is more entertaining. For example: Someone at BYU for Women's Conference: "Are you wearing a Jimmer shirt, too? Does everyone wear them at BYU?!"

5. Urinals are fair game. It's the one time of year it doesn't matter which bathroom you go into. Unless you're a boy, then you're out of luck.

6. Bookstore sales skyrocket. Apart from selling overpriced textbooks, I'm pretty sure the bookstore makes most of its yearly profit from women's conference and efy kids. How many students do you see buying music boxes, cookie jars, hallmark cards, and framed pictures of temples? We might not even NEED a bookstore if it weren't for this yearly event.

7. Anything can happen. During this past women's conference the Provo PD and firefighters were called in to help a conference attendee who had fallen down the bookstore stairs. Let's be safe, ladies. Please use the handrails.

From Parent to Child

Dear Blog,

First off, let me apologize. I know we didn't really get off to a good start. I understand why you may feel out of place. Because while most of your friends were born out of love, you were not. You were born out of reluctance. Out of obligation. Out of duty. Yeah, you were born from a news writing assignment that required me to post an article to my non existent blog.

In the months following your birth you were abandoned. I blame myself as your mother and my anti-blogitude. Let me explain. For a long time I believed people who blogged were bored with their real life so they made a fake virtual one. They were moms wanting to broadcast their children's cuteness. They were newly wed housewives with no jobs and lots of computer time. They were anime watching, scrapbooking, diaper-changing people. And I wasn't.

Then came the day I needed a friend. A friend to help me sort out all the thoughts in my head. A friend I could tell my secrets to that would keep their mouth shut. Since humans were out of the question, and handwriting took too much effort, I rediscovered you. And so you became my hidden journal.

Time went by and really cool stuff happened all the time. Things I could have blogged about. Things I didn't think I needed to blog about. So why after all this time, am I finally making you public? Because honestly, I need a place to write about stuff so that people can see how cool I am. Call me selfish, call me careless, call me whatever. But now that I'm going to be a copywriter, I need to write. Go figure.

Maybe you loved the mindless posts that once filled your walls, but they're gone. They've passed. They're dead. They're murdered. They're saved to my computer in a secret place because they were embarrassing. There- I said it.

So now, staring into your blank bloggy face, my life's experiences flood my memories and all the epic things I could have written about. But we can't live with regrets. We have to move on. Life is still going to happen. It's still going to be awesome. And together we can capture it, admire it, harvest its organs, and share it with our friends and family.

Here's to you, blog. Through it all, you've never let me down. May our future bring us friends, fortune, job offers, and sweet bloggy jubilation.

With Love,
Kristen