Saturday, November 24, 2012

Everyone Likes Butter


The perfect fix to a
side of green beans,
movie popcorn,
one of Aunt June’s fresh baked rolls.

Yes, butter.

Spreadable, sprayable, meltable,
I Can’t Believe It’s Not-able.

But nobody curls up
in a candle-lit living room cocoon,
to gently sink their teeth
into a tepid stick of butter.

Who licks their lips as golden grease
melts streaming down their chin
and sighs in peace,
‘cause all you need
is butter?

I don’t want to be butter. 



Sunday, November 18, 2012

I'd Rather Stay Single

I was excited about this new app I downloaded called "Let's Date" until I started flipping through photos of guys in my area. If that's what's out there, hell, I'm better off single!

Note: I would have made a section of all the guys who took a picture of their abs in the mirror, but there's not enough room on my hard drive.













Sexy soft glow...








 










Thursday, November 1, 2012

Engrish



Because everyone loves perseverant yet hilarious attempts at the English language, here is a collection of letters. Consider it my own version of Engrish.

A couple years back, my roommate received this email from her cousin's mission companion. Best when read aloud. 

Hi Megan
his cousin trained me in my first area, it is very cool I'm from
Brazil I live in Rio de Janeiro knows? when I intend to finish the
mission to go see it in the U.S. he told me a lot and want to know you
better maybe when I finish the mission I intend to marry a girl from
the states unidos.Pode answer me if it is possible for us to talk when
I finished the mission you're single? you want to talk to future
teacher who knows you have not prepared a way for an agent? can give
me the answer if we can start talking about it by email to complete
the mission when I want to know if we can be more that friends who
know you is not my future girlfriend or wife anymore Only time will
tell I hope your answer kisses megan.


This is an email response to a craigslist ad my roommate got when she was trying to sell her contract. Best when read aloud and ALL CAPS are screamed. 

Subject: interested in its contract!


hi im aline and  iam  in brazil now but in some weeks I will go to  in  provo ME AND one friend church because we go to study english in BYU! it would like to know more on its apartment and contract! how many people live in the apartment? I am thinking about moving in dec. or jan. send me photos of inside of apartment?  to is the total cost for month? the cost is 275 alright? how much far it is of the BYU? VACANT will can FOR friend THAT ALSO STARTS IN jan. STUDY IN BYU TOO BECAUSE SHE AND ME WE GO TO STUDY AND march. THEREFORE WE ARE FRIENDSBRAZILIAN!
 I WAIT ITS REPLY 
thanks ALINE!!!
look this is link of the apartment that interested me!



Today I found a ton of old messages in my Facebook inbox that went unnoticed. This is from a stranger over a year ago. How come the actual men in my life don't express such sentiment? 


Hi Beautiful,
The glory of God is manifested only when there is a balance between the grace and truth. the is that I came across ur profile together with ur picture and I felt been blessed with u and that is the reason I contacted u to know u more and to see if we have future together with love, happiness and joy.
U looks so natural and nature will be very proud to identify with u and I will be very happy and the luckiest man on earth if I should have u in my life as the treasure of my heart and soul with love, happiness and joy.
Please feel very free to email through okay... my email is -------.
Someone to love and care with faith and believe that it shall be well with us been together with one love.